Recklessness
by genhale2000
Summary: A Harry Potter Fanfic. About how Lily gradually fell in love with James during 7th form.
1. 01: An incredible disaster

**An incredible disaster**

 _Alright, after that incredible disaster it is most important to just run away as quickly as possible. Just continue running, do not think of that stupidity. Left, right, left, right. Argh, this was al Lupin's fault. That damned recklessness potion… She would never eat something those idiots gave to her again. The marauders. Hmpf. Besides, that's such a childish name. You only devise something like that in second grade._

Lily looked over her shoulder to see if James was behind her. She had heard him screaming her name just a while ago, hadn't she? At this moment, it was as silent in the corridors as it was meant to be. Actually, she wasn't allowed to be this far from the common room. _Perhaps I should go back,_ she thought doubtfully. She had just run around a corner, when she bumped into someone. James grinned, while he grabbed her arms so she wouldn't fall. _Damn it._

'Hi Lily. You were gone so quickly,' he said, still with that horrible grin stuck to his face.

'Bugger off, Potter,' she sneered back. 'And get your hands off me.' He slightly loosened his grip, but his hands were still on her arms. Lily shook them off furiously.

'You and I have something to talk about, I believe?' James said. It wouldn't have surprised her if steam had come out of her ears.

With all of her self-control she looked him in the eye and said coolly: 'Do we? About what, Potter? Because I, for one, do not feel the urge to have a nice conversation with you right now.'

'Oh, you do know about what we have to talk. What does that thing you just did mean?' James' grin had disappeared, but now he looked rather determined. _This doesn't make sense at all,_ Lily thought weary.

'Well, tell me then, Potter,' she said. She'd decided that he could start the conversation, since he was the persistent one.

'Oh Lily, you know what I mean. Why did you kiss me?' said James, again with a nasty grin. At least she thought it was rather nasty.

'O, well then!' Lily said disgruntled. 'I certainly did kiss you. But only because that traitor Lupin put a recklessness potion in that chocolate. He just knóws I can't resist a piece of chocolate! Jesus Christ, I trústed him!'

While she was talking, her voice had become increasingly louder and higher, causing her to be screaming at James at the end of her sentence. He was looking at her thoughtfully. Then his face lit up.

'But hang on a second… a recklessness potion you said, didn't you? That means your thoughts are simply magnified! You did want to kiss me anyway, but now you dared to really do it!' Now he looked at her triumphantly. Lily was pondering. _Crap, I can't get away with this one…_ 'Go on a date with me, Lily. I know that deep down you really want it.'

They were in seventh grade of Hogwarts, and each year James had asked her out for at least a dozen times. And each year she had responded with 'no' just as often. He was looking at her with those brown puppy eyes of his.

'Once again, Potter, I'm not going out with you!' she told him. She turned around as she flicked her hair over her shoulder, and tried to walk away as dignified as possible. She had the feeling that didn't go quite well. Because of her conversation with James and all the events of this evening, she wasn't as sure of herself as until now.

James watched Lily go with a smile on his face. She didn't turn around. He hadn't expected her to do that of course. She still hated his guts. Except for that little part of her, that had caused her to kiss him tonight. He hadn't known what was happening. She snogged him in broad daylight, in front of every other Gryffindor. Many of them had cheered, but she had obviously not been happy about that.

He was the only one that had seen the look on her face after she had realized what she was doing. Lily was torn between two feelings. He knew he should distance himself a little from her, but he couldn't. She had been the most important girl since their first meeting, when they had only been eleven years old. He had had only one goal in his mind since: get her to like him. Until now, that had been a disastrous failure, but tonight, there had developed an opportunity. It was a tiny opportunity, but he grabbed it with both of his hands.

There were many whispers in the Great Hall the next day. In one way or another, it seemed that everybody had found out in one night that Lily had kissed James. She was hugely ashamed of herself. Everywhere she came, she saw girls giggling or boys whispering. A bunch of Hufflepuff girls had even congratulated her, after which they walked to their common room, roaring with laughter.

The only one that seemed to be sorry for her, was her best friend, Mina Russell. She hated James and his friends nearly as much as Lily did herself. The whole day she patted her arm empathetically when Lily was ranting about James.

'He's just such a cocky, awful gít,' Lily said furiously, after their double class Charms on monday afternoon. 'This was only our first class together this week, but James was constantly nudging me. He was trying to start conversations with me all the time. He's incórrigable. Why is he doing this? I'm already looking up against tomorrow. Then I'll have to sit beside him again, in Transfiguration. He'll be even more annoying, because he's the best of class in Transfiguration. Besides me, of course. I'm seriously considering skipping class tomorrow. I could just say I'm ill or something. Oh no, damn it, it's McGonagall. She's not going to believe me. And I have to attend class, because I want to get many NEWTs as possible. Argh, I really can't stand this anymore. Mina, what d'you think?

But her friend was humming quietly while taking little sips of tea. She was staring at someone at the Ravenclaw table.

'Mina? Did you even listen to me?' said Lily a little indignantly.

'Hm?' Mina looked at Lily with a jump of her head. She blushed a little. 'Yes! Erm, you, erm… You're totally right, Lils!' Lily lifted her eyebrows.

'At whom were you staring, young lady?' Mina was quite red in her face at this point. Stuttering she tried to say that it was nothing, but Lily didn't fall for that.

She looked Mina in the eye sternly and she blabbered: 'Well, all right then! I was looking at Tommy Larson! He's in seventh grade of Ravenclaw and we're kind of dating. I really was going to tell you!' she said pleading as she saw the look on Lily's face.

James knew that everybody was talking about Lily and him. He didn't really mind, but he knew Lily thought it was terrible. During Charms he could see in her whole posture that she was still very angry with him. He felt that he'd not improved that. Guiltily he thought about his attempts to make her talk to him. He hadn't been able to stop himself. Sirius had been laughing at him the whole time. He considered James' argument with Lily as a big joke. _Well, I'll prove him wrong!_ thought James, and he resolutely ran up the stairs to the dormitory.

Lily and Mina were doing their Potions homework when the Marauders came in. Lily turned her back to the portrait hole demonstratively. Mina looked at her while heaving a sigh.

'Don't act so childishly!' she whispered angrily, although she cast a few bitchy glances at them too. Lily looked at the clock.

'Damn!' she said annoyed, and she looked at James. He looked back surprised and he wanted to say something, but Lily was quicker. 'Potter! It's nine o'clock!'

'Shit,' said James and he turned around hastily to the portrait hole. Lily spurted after him. Raising his eyebrows, Sirius looked at Mina. Simultaneously, they shrugged.

James stomped through the corridors. 'It's your fault, Potter,' Lily whispered angrily at him, while she tried to keep up with him running. 'Why do I always have to pay attention to the time? You could try to look at the clock for once too! Why did Dumbledore make you Head Boy for god's sake? You do not have a bit of responsibility. Jesus, you're like a 4-year-old toddler! And I'm like your mother. God, do I always have to take care of you? Since the first year I've had to solve your problems. Do you recall our first christmas at Hogwarts? You had sneaked off to Hogsmeade with the older students, because you wanted to go to Zonko's at all costs. After that, I lied for you! To a teacher! Do you remember that, James Pleamount Potter? And you never even thanked me! Every time I saved your guts, you just went on with your life cheerfully, like it was nothing!' And Severus…'

But now was the first time James responded. 'Do not talk about that filthy rat to me, Lily. I know you've always had a soft spot for Snape, but I don't want to hear anything about him now!' Lily narrowed her eyes to slits. Now she really started screaming.

'You're just jealous, Potter! I knew it! I do not have a soft spot for Snape, but if he didn't love the Dark Arts so much he'd be a dozen times better than you! You arrogant, presumptuous imbecile!' James stopped abruptly and Lily almost bumped into him.

'You didn't mean that,' he said softly. 'Please tell me you didn't mean that.'

'I…' Lily stumbled. But she was interrupted by a sluggish voice behind them.

'Perhaps she did.' Without noticing him, they had walked past Snape. 'It wouldn't surprise me, Potter.' Lily's eyebrows were almost halfway her forehead.

'Well, _Severus_ , if you had listened to me for a change, you'd have heard that I said that you'd be better than James if you didn't love the Dark Arts as much as you do,' she snapped at him. Snape was dumbfounded for a second. Then he smiled, which was possibly meant to be casual, like James could smile, while he looked rather uncertain.

'Well, from such a mudblood I don't need any approval anyway.' Now James got angry. Lily already wanted to stop him, because normally he jinxed Snape as much as he could. But after a brief moment of anger, he pulled Lily with him around the corner.

James had expected her to tear herself loose right away, but she ran a while with him. 'James,' he heard her panting. She called him James a lot more often than before, he noticed. He didn't know if that mattered. He stopped and let go of her arm.

'I'm sorry,' he said. 'For what?' she asked quietly and she looked at him with her beautiful green eyes. 'Everything.' And he ran back to the common room.

Lily didn't get it anymore. James had apologized to her. He had never done that before. He hadn't even jinxed Snape. He used to do that all the time. _Maybe he's changing?_ asked a voice in her head. _No,_ she thought stubbornly. _James is only trying to impress me, this is not really who he is._

'What…?' She had bumped into someone again. 'Oh…' she said and she blushed. It was Tommy Larson, whom Mina liked. He was truly quite handsome from this close. _Although… James' eyes are much prettier. And Tommy's hair is so neat. It's nicer when it's more ruffled, like James' for example. Just an example, right? It's not that James is handsome or something._

'Excuse me,' he said and he looked at her attentively. 'Aren't you Lily Evans? Head Girl of Gryffindor? Friend of Mina's? She told me very much about you, you know.'

'Erm, yeah, that's me, yes,' Lily said suspiciously. Something about this boy made her stomach tickle, but not in a good way.  
'Excuse me,' he said again, and he looked at her contritely. 'I'll introduce myself. I'm Tommy Larson. I'm in Ravenclaw.' He stuck out his hand. Lily hesitated if she'd shake it. Her instinct screamed that he wasn't as nice as he acted right now.

More out of courtesy than out of genuine pleasure she shook his hand and said: 'Pleasure to finally meet you. Mina has told me much about you too.'

'Yes, a great pleasure,' he said thoughtfully. 'You know, Lily, if I wouldn't have Mina, I would've fallen for you straight away.' _Gross, such a slimy git,_ Lily thought at once, and she tore her hand away.

He probably saw from the look on her face that she didn't see that as a compliment, because he said hastily: 'But naturally I do have Mina, and I love her with all of my heart, so don't worry.' And with a wink he walked around her, in the direction of the tower of Ravenclaw.


	2. 02: A peculiar dream

The seventh graders drowned in homework. Even Sirius was busy practising disappearing spells for Charms. Flitwick had never given them as much homework as right now in the past six years. Lily and Mina went to bed around eleven o'clock, but most students were still studying at that moment. Lily plomped down on her bed and stretched herself out with her eyes closed.

Everything all right, Lils?' she heard Mina say, but she also heard that she was laughing.

'Mine, I've got a question… about Tommy,' Lily said with caution, and she sat upright.

'Oh dear, here it comes.' Mina was still laughing.

'Are you sure you can… trust him?'

Mina looked at her gauging. 'Is this a joke or are you serious? You haven't even seen him properly!'

'Hmm. I met him in a corridor recently and he gives me the creeps,' Lily said as casually as possible.

Mina raised her eyebrows. 'Don't you worry. I'll be fine,' said she coolly.

Lily groaned and let herself sink onto her bed. _Well done, Lils. Great. Your best friend is mad at you too. Perhaps you should just ruin your whole life._ She heard James and Sirius coming upstairs, laughing because they probably had jinxed a first years again. She stood up and looked around the corner. James looked over his shoulder at the same moment. Generally, in this kind of situations he made a clever remark, but now he just smiled to her. She felt that she smiled back. In less than five minutes, she was in a deep sleep.

She dreamt she was dancing with Tommy in the Great Hall, at the final ball. There was classical music and everybody was laughing and dancing. She had on a wonderful, dark green gown, which was doubtlessly very pretty with her eyes and hair. Tommy smiled, but she didn't smile back. She saw rage blaze up in his eyes, but suddenly she was dancing in James' arms. He said something and she laughed. Behind him Tommy appeared again. He had something in his hand and wanted to sting it in James, but Lily jumped between them. When she looked down, she saw that the object in his hand was a dagger, with a snake engraved in the halt. She looked at Tommy for a second, but his dark blue eyes changed to James' brown ones. He looked at her worriedly, and tried to say something to her.

'Lily, Lily, for god's sake, wake up! Stop slapping me, Lily! Oh, there we go, she's calming down, guys.' James sat on Lily's bed next to her and tried to wake her. She was tossing and turning and her expression was changing constantly. A minute ago, Mina had been at his door panting, and had asked if he could please try to wake Lily. Evidently, she was having a nightmare, and she kept calling James' name out and slapping people who got too near her.

Finally, she opened her eyes. First she looked at him surprised, then at her body, and then at him again. When she had recovered from the shock, she shouted: 'Potter! What the hell are you doing on my bed?' and pushed him away as if he was under electricity.

'You're welcome!' he said indignantly. 'You kept calling my name, Evans, so you asked for it.'

'I kept calling your name? Where the hell are you talking about?' said Lily. Mina interrupted them.

'Erm, Lils, I think you were having a bad dream, because you kept calling James' name out loud.'

'You should've woken me up!' Lily said stubbornly.

'Well darling, you were slapping everybody who got near you,' Sirius said mockingly. 'Except for James. Well, by the end…' Lily looked at James with big eyes. Then she seemed to realise she was sitting on her bed in her pajamas.

'Get out of my room, idiots. Come on, allow a girl her privacy!' James and Sirius ran out of the room, before Lily transfigured them into fungi.

After the adventure with the dream, Lily was still really confused. Mina was nowhere to be found, probably still pissed about last night. James and Sirius had, luckily, left immediately. She got ready sulking, grabbed her books and walked downstairs. Thank god it was Saturday, she really didn't feel like people today. After her quick, lonely breakfast she walked outside. It was nice and warm in the october sun, and she was planning to visit her spot, next to a tree by the lake. She always went there to do homework or just think.

Naturally, she happened to come across the quidditch field on her way to the lake. And naturally, James happened to have quidditch training at that moment. She could not resist to look up for a moment, where he was zooming around, evading Bludgers and throwing the Quaffle. She stood still automatically. She always acted like she thought Quidditch was a waste of time, but secretly she did like to watch it. They were just taking a break.

Lily wanted to walk away when James landed in front of her. He laughed. 'It won't be that easy to dodge me, Evans!' he teased. His face got more serious. 'How are you? What kind of dream were you actually having this morning?' he asked curiously.

'None of your business, Potter,' Lily replied coolly.

'Ah, please Lily. Did I have something to do with it? I did, right? You were calling out my name.'

'James, please.'

Now he seemed to have heard in her voice that she wasn't in the mood for this, because he nodded and said: 'Well, Lily, I'll see you. Good luck with the homework!'

'Good luck with your training,' Lily responded smiling. He winked and took off, his robes fluttering in the wind.

Lily was laying on her stomach on the grass, doing homework. From the spot where she was lying, she had a magnificent view. The lake reflected the sunlight and the trees of the Forbidden Forest started to have beautiful autumn colours.

Because she didn't want to talk to people, she had snatched a few rolls from breakfast to lunch on her pretty spot. Here, she could work hard on the abundant homework of last week.

Around four, she had finished her homework and was getting hungry. She decided to return to the castle to dump her school books and to go to afternoon tea in the Great Hall.

Although the sun was low, it started getting chilly. Lily walked to the castle hugging herself. When she had arrived at the stadium, she saw Tommy and Mina walking a bit further. They completely ignored her. Hesitating she stopped to say something, but nevertheless she walked on. She wasn't in the mood for this week's umpteenth argument.

When she arrived at the Great Hall, she saw Lupin sitting on his own at the Gryffindor table. He was reading a book. She walked towards him. 'Hey, Remus.'

He looked up and smiled. 'Hi Lily. Would you like to sit with me?' He shoved the chair beside him backwards.

Lily smiled back and sat down. 'Let me guess. James and Sirius didn't feel like studying, so you just returned from the library where you have been studying alone all afternoon,' she teased.

'You do know us well,' he replied chuckling. Lupin looked shabby, but he did most of the time.

'Is everything all right, Remus?' she said worriedly.

He looked at her. 'You know, Lily, I'm really sorry I gave you that recklessness potion. It wasn't my intention that you… well, that you would do thát.' He shook his head when he saw that Lily wanted to interrupt him. 'Please listen to me. I know that James can be cocky and thinks he's flawless, but he really likes you. He's actually serious. We can see that too. That's why Sirius is always teasing him when he's near you. He notices that James is different near you too. So if I were you, I'd give him a chance. You're not totally indifferent towards him, are you?'

Lily didn't reply. She sighed and poured herself a cup of tea. 'Remus, I'm glad that at least I have you to talk to. Seriously, I mean. I can't really with Mina, because she detests James and Sirius. And… well, Severus used to be my best friend, but we don't really get along at this moment and James and Severus can't stand each other. Oh, I'd give anything for everybody to get along normally!'

Lupin patted her arm. 'Oh well, of what a man… erm, girl, can dream, right? I'm going to put away my books, see you.' He stood up and wanted to walk away, but Lily grabbed his arm.

'Remus, I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't talk to James about this conversation. I… oh, well, you understand.'

'Of course, Lily,' he said friendly, and he walked out of the hall.

After a while, Lily followed him. She wanted to put away her books, then perhaps get a broom or a relaxing book to fill the rest of the day. She was planning to make up with Mina this evening. It was boring when she was having an argument with her best friend. The common room was a huge mess. Everywhere were feathers, ink pots, leaves that had been blown inside, and a sticky substance that had probably once been some kind of potion.

Lily frowned, waved her wand and muttered ' _Sanitato_ '. As Head Boy and Head Girl James and she were supposed to make sure the common room stayed clean, and they had to patrol the corridors at night. Most of the time Lily had to remind James, and they often had arguments about that. In fact Lily and James were arguing most of the time. It had been like that since their first year of Hogwarts. Matters like James' irresponsible actions, his attempts to plan a date with her and Severus Snape were their favourite subjects.

Lily heard laughter in the corridor and already presumed who would come through the portrait hole. Ten seconds later, James and Sirius indeed climbed through the hole. James was his usual arrogant self, unlike that morning at the quidditch field.

'Hey, Evans! Have you seen the announcement for Hogsmeade yet? There can't be a chance you will go on a date with me, can there? Although I'm, of course, irresistible, so you'll have to give in sometime. So, will I see you then?'

Lily hadn't seen the announcement yet, but she wasn't going to blazon that abroad, especially not to James. 'You know damn well that in the case you and I would be the last two persons on the entire earth and I would have to reproduce to save mankind, I'd rather pick out a chimpanzee than you, Potter. Those at least don't talk!'

Sirius laughed and James looked rather offended. Lily quickly ran upstairs, thankful for the distraction.


	3. 03: Detention with McGonagall

Half an hour later Lily walked outside. She had taken her broom with her to go flying. She wasn't that good at quidditch, but she thought flying was quite easy. On her broom, she felt as light as a feather and as free as a bird.

Of course, she always made sure she didn't come across James, because he undoubtedly would consider that as a new subject to talk about, and she definitely didn't want that. She ascended behind the quidditch stadium, and flew towards the forest. There it would be nice and quiet, and she surely wouldn't meet anyone.

After a while though, she noticed it was getting quite cold. Looking around, she actually didn't know where she was. It was already starting to get more mountainous, so apparently she had flown across Hogsmeade. In fact the students weren't allowed to be here. Perhaps she should return anyhow. The feeling in her fingers and toes had already disappeared.

She turned her broom and flew in the opposing direction of the mountains. _It should turn out fine this way,_ thought Lily. Her eyes also started to water. _What even is the time?_ she suddenly remembered. The sun was almost set, so it had to be around six. If she didn't fly fastly, she would miss dinner! Speaking about dinner, she was quite hungry.

She flattened herself against her broom and tried to fly as fast as possible. A while later - she had no idea how long-, she could finally see the smoking chimneys of Hogsmeade. She sighed in relief, because for a moment she had feared she'd get lost. _From now on it's at the most 15 minutes,_ she thought relieved.

Lily landed in Hogwarts' courtyard. Silently she walked inside, and upstairs. If she hurried, she would later be able to sneak inside unnoticed and eat dinner with everybody. If she had expected that would work, she'd have been wrong. Straight in front of her on the stairs stood McGonagall, with her arms crossed. She sternly looked at Lily and tapped her foot on the ground. _Oh no, I'm doomed,_ she thought frightened.

'You have been seen a distance out of Hogsmeade, where some other wizards were hiking in the mountains.' Lily sat facing McGonagall in her office. She looked at Lily sternly over her glasses. 'And don't you dare to deny you've been there.'

Lily sighed. 'No, professor, I've indeed been there. I'm very sorry, but I only saw I was too far once I'd come across Hogsmeade.'

'That sounds really implausible to me, miss Evans. I assume you are looking around you when you're flying.' Professor McGonagall was still looking at her frowning.

'I was lost in thought, I guess.' Lily shrugged apologetically.

'Well, miss Evans, I expect you for detention in my office tomorrow morning at eight o'clock. And if you don't show up, I have much more in store for you. You can leave now.' With a sullen look on her face she gestured towards the door. Lily stood up with a sigh. _Oh, great. I really needed that,_ she thought miserably.

After a night's rest that seemed to last only a few minutes, Lily walked sleepy towards the Great Hall the next morning. She looked at her watch, that had been repared in the meantime. If she hurried, she could still have breakfast before her detention. She was one of the few that had breakfast this early. She wondered why the others that were in the Great Hall at this hour were eating so early.

After having stared at her plate listlessly for three minutes, she realised she didn't really feel like eating. She just emptied her cup of tea quickly, and then walked towards McGonagall's office. There was no one yet when she knocked. She sank down next to the door and hugged herself. This early in the morning, it was still really chilly in the castle. She noticed she almost dozed off, but forced herself to stay awake.

A few minutes later, professor McGonagall arrived. She had slippers and a dressing gown on. 'Evans, come on in,' she said, not even that grumpy. She looked at Lily over her glasses, with a tinge of compassion in her eyes. 'We'll have to wait for the others, so make yourself at home.'

Instantly after those words, Lily presumed with whom she'd have to do detention, and she was even more reluctant. Precisely on the second, at eight o'clock, she heard a knock on the door. McGonagall aimed her wand at the door, that fell open.

Lily's presumption realised. James Potter stood in front of the door, his eyes still half closed sleepy. His shirt wasn't tucked into his pants and his tie was tied around his neck with a normal knot. He'd obviously just come out of his bed.

'Hello dear professor McGonagall, and… Lily Evans! Wow, to what do I owe the pleasure?' he said cheerfully. McGonagall responded, with a look of both disapproval and affection.

'Potter, today you'll be doing detention with miss Evans. You two must dust all the paintings in the north tower. No magic, of course. I have to say, it really disappoints me that both the Head Boy and Head Girl of Gryffindor have to do such childish tasks, but I won't subtract points of Gryffindor. I do expect that Gryffindor will win the quidditch cup-', she looked at James with a tinge of a smile, '-and that you will obtain some extra points inside the castle, like you can do best, miss Evans.'

Now she was really smiling to Lily. I'll check up on you in approximately one and a half hour, to see how far you've come. You can leave.' She gestured to the door again, where suddenly a few rags and buckets had appeared.

Once they stood outside, James looked at Lily. 'What have you been up to, Evans? This is your first detention on Hogwarts, isn't it?' Lily looked at him scornfully.

'I'm more proud of that than you should be of your countless times detention, Potter. Come on, I don't want this to last too long.' She picked up the cleaning supplies that McGonagall had just conjured and walked towards the north tower determined.

'All right, Potter. I'll do the upper half and you the other. That means that I-'

James interrupted her. 'But Evans, isn't it much more cosy to do it all together?' he said teasing.

'James, for the last time, I want this to be over quickly!' she said desperately. He narrowed his eyes.

'All right, then. But I have one condition.'

'What now, Potter.' Her patience had disappeared.

'Go on a date with me,' James said resolutely. He didn't even grin anymore.

She suppressed a smile and pushed a rag and a bucket into his hand. 'Here. Come along. Third floor.'

Around eleven, they were finally finished. Because James had only wanted to split if she'd go on a date with him, they had done everything together, to James' dissatisfaction. He'd thought he had finally persuaded her. But Lily wasn't convinced that easy. At this moment, she was exhausted, though she didn't show that to James.

She was happy that at least there hadn't been points subtracted. James had cost Gryffindor way too many points, and she had to her memory never caused Gryffindor to lose points herself.

Her detention was over now, to her relief. McGonagall hadn't really been mad, she thought. Lilyhad always done her best at school, and she was almost every teacher's favorite student. And James was, of course, Gryffindor's quidditch hero. McGonagall had a weak spot for that, considering her own love for quidditch.

The first thing she did when she was done, was taking a shower. Cleaning the paintings had really been necessary. She was covered in dust and sweat. Randomly she thought about the fact that she must have looked gross. _That doesn't matter. It was only James,_ said the stubborn voice in her head.

Ten minutes later, she walked downstairs with wet hair and clean clothes. She really needed to eat. In the Great Hall, she saw James, Remus and Peter sitting at the table. Apparently Sirius had still not left his bed, the sluggard.

She went to sit at the table on her own, but James was ahead of her. 'Hey, Evans, come sit with us cosily!' He pulled her arm when she walked by.

With a heavy sigh, she went to sit next to Remus, on the other side of the table. He smiled to her encouraging. 'Where's Sirius?' she asked, though she already had some presumptions.

'I don't know actually. He wasn't in bed a while ago,' James said surprised, as if he only noticed now that Sirius wasn't there. Perhaps he did.

'Likely he's messing around with some girl,' Lily said frowning. James and Remus laughed.

'Lily,' said James curiously, while he watched her providing her toast with an abundant layer of marmalade. 'Why did you have to do dentention, really?' Lily felt that she was blushing.

'None of your business,' she sneered as coolly as possible. James raised his eyebrows and was going to say something again.

' _Silencio,_ ' Lily heard someone say. She looked around. Behind her stood Mina, with a face like a thunder storm. James as well as Remus and Peter grabbed their own throats and looked at Mina indignantly **.**

'Lily Evans. Come. Now.' Mina walked away with large paces, without looking back. Lily followed her astonished.

'But Mina, the boys-,' she started, when they had almost reached the door.

'Oh, yeah, that's right,' Mina said coolly and she waved with her wand carelessly. She could just hear the boys' indignant yells before the door shut behind her with a blow.


	4. 04: A querulous quarrel

Mina looked around her with narrowed eyes. Then she seemed to see something sufficient, because her face brightened (although you could still see some rage in her features) and she walked towards a door at the other side of the entrance hall with determined paces.

'Come in,' she said curtly and she opened the door. Lily walked into the broom cupboard and sat down on an upside down bucket. ' _Colloportus,_ ' said Mina with a flick of her wand, and she stood before Lily. Now she narrowed her eyes again.

'Firstly,' she said, and Lily thought she resembled a furious lioness of whom the cubs are threatened. 'Lily Elizabeth Evans, I am afraid I have to inform you that everything between Tommy and I is going quite smoothly, so if you were planning on creating any more divisions between us, you're going to have to come up with some sort of masterplan.

Secondly, why didn't you tell me you had detention this morning for the very first time in your school career, and even with James Potter himself. Finally, I am very angry with you. I hope you know that. Véry angry. What did I say, fúrious.'

But now Lily got angry too. She stood up. She was half a foot bigger than Mina, but the latter didn't care. 'Mina, you know I'd never divide you if I didn't have a proper reason!

And when for god's sake should I have told you that? The only thing you've done is ignoring me. I wouldn't go back to you groveling to tell you I had detention for the first time in my life. That makes no sense at all! It wasn't even that special. I don't know if you have ever had detention, but it's not really exciting.

And to go back to Tommy, why in heaven's sake would I say that? If I have another reason than not trusting him? Well?'

'Well, for example because you like him yourself. Tommy is a really sweet, smart and especially handsome boy. Why wouldn't you be jealous? Of me? Huh? Did you have an answer to that?'

'Mina, please stop! Can't you see? Tommy has made some kind of paranoid bitch out of you! And,'

'Whát did you call me?'

But Lily had already turned around. ' _Alohomora_ ,´ she said and with one last, devastating glance, she opened the door and dashed off.

 _All right, bravo. The intention to win back your best friend has failed hereby._ Lily ran back to the common room as fast as she could. Now she didn't want to do anything at all. Not even flying. Although it perhaps was more wise to skip flying for a couple of weeks anyway. Twice detention in a row caused by the same offence would be too much, even for someone like James.

She hurried towards her bedroom, at the very top of the tower. She threw open the door and wanted to run inside, but later realised she had the wrong room. As it happens, James Potter was changing in the middle of the room. Thank goodness only his T-shirt was off, but Lily was rooted to the spot for a second.

'What-,' said James confused, and he turned around. He looked at her in astonishment.

Then Lily heard herself mutter: ' _colloportus_ ,' and the door shut itself before her nose.

'Evans! What were you doing in my room while I was changing?' called James. She thought she heard his voice had a teasing undertone.

'James, please, forget about it,' she moaned. She sat with her back against the door. She wanted to get away preferably, but she knew he'd never stop talking about this.

' _Alohomora,_ ' she heard him say.

'Please, put clothes on,' she squeaked pleading with her hands in front of her eyes. 'Lily, I have clothes on,' he said laughing. 'Was it really that bad? Am I that hideous?'

Lily nodded childishly, still with her hands in front of her eyes. James was still laughing and pulled away her hands with one of his. 'Look. Clothes,' he said and he gestured down with his free hand. He had indeed put clothes on.

'All right, let's just forget about that and treat each other as adults,' said Lily calmly half an hour later. She and James were both sitting in the arm chairs next to the chimney of the Gryffindor common room.

'As adults! Hmpf,' said James cynically. 'Who was totally shocked a minute ago because she saw me without a T-shirt on?' Lily acted like she didn't hear him.

'Do you agree?' she said distinguished. James rolled his eyes and mockingly stuck out his hand to her. 'All right, that's settled then,' she said, after shaking his hand. 'If you don't stick to this agreement, I'll jinx you so badly you'll only be dismissed from the hospital wing after a week,' she continued casually. James protested.

'Hey, you didn't say that before!' James protested, but Lily already was in the corridor.

It was thundering outside so badly that the thunder echoed through the whole castle. Lily loved the mood that existed in a thunderstorm. Some people feared it, but she thought it was quite cosy, really. She wandered through the corridors on her own.

At this moment, she didn't really have anyone to talk to. Mina was angry with her, Severus wasn't even an option anymore, and it looked like it was full moon, which meant Remus was somewhere outside, running around with James, Sirius and Peter. To be sure, she didn't want to turn back to the common room, because if there was anyone she didn't want to see right now, it was James.

'Hi, Lily,' a voice said quietly. It was Alice Marchbanks, Frank Longbottom's girlfriend. Actually, they were together most of the time, so this was a rare occasion. She looked a little poorly. In general Alice was always cheerful, her face was always beaming and she looked well fed. Now she seemed thinner than a few weeks ago, and she looked quite jittery.

It probably was exam anxiety. Alice was Griselda Marchbanks' granddaughter, an examiner who was known for her legendary witchcraft. That's why Alice was always a bit more nervous for exams than others. After all, she had a large reputation to live up to.

'Hey Alice,' said Lily, and she tried to smile. Apparently she failed, because Alice questioning raised her eyebrows. Then she smiled at Lily, and walked with her through the corridor.

'Are you all right?' Lily asked anxiously after a few moments of silence. Initially, Alice didn't answer.

'I, erm…,' she was visibly hesitating. Then she said abruptly: 'My granddad passed away last summer.' Judging by her face, she was really relieved.

'Oh, Alice, that's terrible!' she said a bit ashamed.

'And are you?' Alice was still looking kindly at her.

'I don't know, really,' said Lily after thinking hard. 'I'm having rows with everybody that I know, but I'm feeling rather… calm. I don't expect you to understand!' she added hastily, when she realised that sounded a bit strange. Alice smiled.

'That doesn't matter,' she said quietly. 'If you understand it yourself.' Then she walked away, while she left Lily behind surprised.

' _Tempus,_ ' Lily said, and a magical watch appeared in front of her eyes. Her own watch had been broken for weeks, and _reparo_ didn't work, because it was a magical object. She always forgot to send it to Diagon Alley, where a clockmaker was established. She saw it already was 9 o'clock. In that case, James and his friends must've been gone for a long time. Tired she returned to the common room, still thinking about what Alice had said. She didn't really know if she still understood herself. Apparently something in her current situation made sure that she forgot all of her problems. If she only could think of whát…

The common room was almost empty, in an enigmatic way. It was Sunday evening, and usually half of Gryffindor house was trying to get their essays done at the last minute, or to take in some final facts about wizarding laws. Lily sighed in relief. This way she could go to bed quietly without talking to people, and think about what she was going to do tomorrow, when she'd have classes again and was - still - arguing with everyone.

She tidied up some other loose quills and left-behind joke products of Zonko's with a flick of her wand. Next she climbed up the stairs to her bedroom. Halfway she met a bunch of girls from her year, Melody, Elinor and Jade, with whom she usually could get along well. Right now however, they ignored her. As soon as she passed them, they started whispering and giggling. Lily was too tired to care. Fifteen minutes later, she was fast asleep.

The next day went by in some kind of blur. She noticed she wasn't involved in anything, and was doubtful if that was because she didn't really have friends anymore or because the rest of the world suddenly seemed to have problems with her. After class she just went and sat in the library. There nobody was allowed to talk anyway, so it didn't matter if you had friends or not.

All of a sudden she saw Mina standing with Rachel, a Slytherin girl. Apparently Mina didn't mind making new friends when she was having trouble with her best friend. She turned around quickly, so Mina wouldn't see she had seen her. Frowning she tried to catch a whiff of their conversation. Since it was completely silent here, and Mina and Rachel weren't whispering very subtle, she could comprehend some words once in a while. At a given moment, she even believed her name was mentioned. _That can't be right. Why would they talk about you?_

In the evening, she thought of that conversation of Mina and Rachel in the library again. She had some questions about it. Firstly, what did Mina do in the library? She hated silence. She couldn't even be silent. Mina always got sent out by madam Pince, because she couldn't shut her mouth for longer than five minutes.

Lily wondered if they had been there because she had been there. But that didn't make sense. It was weird too that she suddenly got along with Rachel. Gryffindors and Slytherins couldn't get along very well in general. _Wait a minute… what if she wanted to make me jealous!_ No, that also couldn't be it. Totally not Mina's style. She would rather say to you face that she didn't like you - as Lily had experienced - than doing it in such a cunning way. Yet Lily wondered if this had something to do with her…


	5. 05: Cold-shouldered

The next day Lily was still ignored very blatantly ignored by many people. The only ones that did act normal towards her, were Alice, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter - as far as that's ordinary - and a Hufflepuff girl that was called Sarah. Lily often sat in the library with Alice nowadays. Of course they were mainly silent there, but they supported each other without words. Lily thought it was really nice, and she could see that it brightened up Alice a little.

Remus had convinced her to come sit with him and his friends during the breaks. Alice didn't really like the commotion, so she usually ate outside or in the common room. Lily had accepted ultimately. She couldn't stand eating alone. Once in a while she just needed to chat and laugh unrestrainedly, and that was more possible with Remus than with Alice. Even James and Sirius weren't that bad if you spent more time with them. At the beginning she had had the idea that they spared here because of her current social situation, but now she suspected that they could be serious for once.

With Sarah she didn't really have contact, but she always smiled at her in the corridors and sometimes they would walk a distance together. Lily didn't know why she did that, but those little things also brightened her up. Apparently not the whole school was done with her. She hadn't had the chance to get to know Sarah, but each time she met her in the corridor, she planned to sit next to her sometime.

Thus Lily tried to brighten up her life at Hogwarts a bit, but without her best friend there wasn't really anything fun about it. Mina didn't look Lily in the eye anymore, and always stood with groups of students of other houses and during breaks, she sat at another house's table almost everyday. Lily suspected Tommy to have introduced her to some of his friends, because he was always near her. He seemed a little possessive over her and something about him just wasn't right. She had talked about it with Remus, but he didn't really know him.

She had seen, though, that James, after hearing how she thought about Tommy, had narrowed his eyes and followed him with his eyes. She didn't know if he did that to impress her or if he really believed her. She was just happy that someone seemed to respond to her suspicions.

'James,' she said during lunch on Thursday. 'Do you know Tommy Larson from Ravenclaw?' James looked up surprised. She never really addressed him directly. Most of the time she talked to him in a group conversation, in which Remus also was involved.

'That guy you were talking about lately, you mean? That you don't trust?' Lily nodded.

'D'you know him?'

'Yes, I do. He's beater in Ravenclaw's ream. I know you think I do this to impress you, but I don't trust him either. He seems like Mina's overly anxious, strict mother, who ultimately will break her heart because she once looks at another boy. Something like that.' Lily raised her eyebrows.

'Oh, what? I'm right, aren't I? It was only an example,' James defended himself. Lily suddenly thought he was very cute, with that apologetical look on his face.

 _Lily Evans, it is James Potter. James! Potter! You hate him, remember? Not cute, not handsome. God, what's happening with you this year? Seems like your hormones are out of whack, or something. Look at Remus for example. Decent guy, not too handsome but very smart, really kind and would never hurt you. Isn't that something nice for you? Off you go, you can fall in love with that! Not James. Absolutely not. Abort mission, abort mission. Come on._

'Lily?' James and Remus were looking at her in astonishment. She was still staring at James' face.

'Oh, yeah, I agree. Well, I erm… got to go. To… the library. Bring back a book. Already far too late. I'm sorry.'

'What…?' James said, still speechless, but with the beginning of a smile. Lily grabbed her bag, swept her hair out of her face and wanted to walk away.

Remus quietly said, so James wouldn't hear: 'So you agree that Mina has deserved that Tommy will break her heart? After you have suffered so much? That's what James just said.'

Lily was rooted to the spot for a second. 'Erm. No. Of course not. That's what I meant. Didn't mean, I mean. Erm… Mina doesn't deserve that. She's my best friend!'

She looked at James, and then it started to dawn upon her. 'Did you really say I've suffered much?' she said quietly to James. He looked at her fathoming. It seemed like he didn't really get it anymore.

'Yes, that's true, right? You're being ignored by everyone! I can see you're having difficulty with that! But didn't you have to go? To the library?'

'Library?' Lily had already forgotten her excuse. Remus raised his eyebrows. 'Oh! Yeah! Library! Erm, yes, I erm… I'll go.'

'Wait!' James said smirking. 'I just remembered, I have to get some books for Defense. I'll walk with you.' Lily groaned from the inside. _Bad excuse, Lily._

Now she really had to go to the library, what had never been her intention. James bumped into her 'accidentally' every other moment, but Lily minded less than usual. It felt a bit like collaborating with the enemy, this social intercourse with James and Sirius. Like betrayal towards Mina.

Although, Mina wasn't totally innocent herself. In one way or another someone (she still wouldn't believe it had been Mina, on principle) had turned everyone against her. That had started as soon as Mina and she had started arguing, so the logical suspect was Mina. But Lily knew her through and through. This couldn't have been Mina. Much too scurvy.

She had thought of Tommy too, but why would Gryffindors believe words from him about her, while he was in another house. No, it can't have been Tommy too. It was true that Lily really needed Mina in times like this one, and she wasn't here. She didn't know if she could ever really forgive her for that.

Ten minutes later, she was waiting alone at Potions. There wasn't anyone yet. In the library she had had to come up with another excuse, because of course she didn't have a book to turn in. She had said she had still forgotten to put the book in her bag this morning.

James had clearly not believed her - he almost laughed at her -, but had despite that let her go out of empathy. Of course he had only come with her to see what she'd do in that situation, because James hadn't borrowed a single book from the library in his whole school career.

Finally she saw Remus arriving, with behind him professor Slughorn. 'Finally! Where have you been?' she whispered angrily to Remus while they walked into the dungeon together.

'I'm not that late!' Remus whispered back. 'There isn't anyone else yet!' Lily threw an accusatory look at him. Slowly the rest of their class trickled in. The students that had chosen Potions for their N.E.W.T.s had either done that because they were very talented (like Remus and Lily), or they had to follow this class because of the profession they wanted to practise. There was of course Frank and Alice, who both had the ambition to become auror.

And of course there was Slughorn's little club. 'The sluggers'. Lily was a member, together with James and some Slytherins. Remus used to be as well, but one way or another, he hadn't been invited after their first year. He was convinced that Slughorn had discovered his 'hairy little problem', as James always called it. But it didn't really matter to him. To nobody, by the way. The soupers and parties of the Sluggers were always horribly tedious. Lily liked hardly anyone that showed up.

That evening, she went and sat with Remus and James. Sirius was gone again. She hardly ever saw him nowadays. 'Where has Sirius gone?' she said frowning. James and Remus looked up.

'That's what we were just talking about,' said James sullen. 'Peter's gone more often, I'm not making a fuss about that. But Sirius hates almost everybody on this school except for us. I don't understand where he always is. If he's constantly messing around with girls when he'sgone, he's had many girlfriends last weeks. That's too much, even for Sirius.'

'Have you tried asking him?' said Lily sarcastically. Now Remus responded.

'He just doesn't answer. He just ignores you until you start talking about something else. You know Sirius, he's really arrogant and stubborn. He doesn't give in until he wants to.

'Can't we shadow him?' Lily said curiously. If Sirius was acting so mysteriously about this, it had to be either important or embarrassing. And for Sirius, the termembarrassingdidn't really contain much, so Lily wanted to know rather badly what he kept hidden. James looked up to her.

'I don't know,' he said frowning. 'It seems quite wrong to shadowyour best friend, you know?'

'I'll do it,' said Lily determined. Remus looked up surprised.

'Why would you do that?'

'I've become curious,' said Lily casually. 'And I want to pay you back.'

'For what?' asked James surprised **.**

'You don't abandon me when the rest of the world does. Thanks for that, guys. That really means a lot. Yes, that even applies to you, James,' she said, when she saw that James looked at Remus. James looked at her in surprise. Then he smiled at her with some kind of half grin.

'Perhaps a kiss to show you truly mean that?' he said, now with a whole grin. A pillow of the couch they were sitting on missed him within an inch while he was fleeing to the stairs.


End file.
